you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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