Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
this boner is exhausting
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
