Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Randomize
