don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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