Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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