all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
