There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
