Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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