He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
