You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Randomize
