Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
