I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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