His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
