my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
