Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
zippers are such a cool invention
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
