: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
