I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
