knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
