we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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