Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
