My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
