Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
