My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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