the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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