its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
