we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
