I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
