they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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