who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
