I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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