this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
