She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
