it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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