he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
