Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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