But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
