i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
