she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
