honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
