Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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