lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
