ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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