Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
