I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
