Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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