:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
