I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
sarcasm needs its own font
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
did i just pee glitter
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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