I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
