we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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