Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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