I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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