Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
