There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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