I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
