I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize