You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
