She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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