Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
