And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
