is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
love makes seman taste better
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You can't just leave with hair like that
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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